I’ve been EXTREMELY inconsistent with updating my blog and I miss blogging so much. There’s so much explaining I have to do, but let me just get right on with this post and explain myself some other time.
I just want to be grateful. I haven’t had too many perfect days lately, but I still need to remember the good things that do happen everyday regardless if it’s big or small. Today I received this post from my friend Zavien who literally made my entire day. He’s a sophomore who plays football and is in the first period leadership class. He’s a total sweetheart and we don’t encounter each other too often at school, but when we do, we talk to each other as if we see each other all the time. In leadership, our teacher assigns us to read these weekly posts he puts out for us to respond to and interact with both of the leadership classes. The post that my teacher put up this week was about overcoming fears and facing difficult times. I shared a brief story about me being bullied back in middle school days and yeah it still happens here and there, but it doesn’t affect me as drastically as it once did when I was still a naive preteen. Here’s what Zavien replied with to my post.
That last part of that message hit me hard. I was crying like crazy during second period reading this because it was so unexpected and Zavien and I have never had that deep of a conversation before, but to see this coming from him truly touched my heart. It was such an impacting message for me because I don’t know who else can relate to my situation, but the name calling that I would hear from left to right and the people who talked badly about me that I didn’t even know of really made me insecure and it just caused me to hate who I was and it made me want to be an entirely different person to please other people. Honestly, how can you be satisfied with living if you aren’t even happy with the person you are?
People have a negative perspective towards me before ACTUALLY getting to meet me because of the reputation I received from rumors and name calling. I believe that my name doesn’t get around like that anymore like how it once did in middle school, but for those who did know me in middle school just might still have that same perspective towards me. I was name called as a “slut” or “whore” or whatever falls along those lines because in middle school, I had the capability of socializing with kids that were the opposite sex from me. THAT WAS IT. I didn’t date every guy I talked to, I didn’t make out with anyone in middle school( I didn’t even know how to make out to start off with), and I most certainly did not do anything that was considered under the influence and if you really know me, you would know that I’m still not doing anything under the influence. I try to bury that dark past of mine from when I was younger, but it haunts me because every guy and girl now can socialize without having to go through what I went through JUST FOR TALKING TO A BOY.
I just want to finish this off by saying thank you to those who took the time to know me. It warms my heart to know that I have people like Zavien who respects and loves me for who I am and not for what people say or think of me. Big shout out to Zavien for showing me my self-worth. I love you Zavien Bailey.
Angelina Sam 